In my last blog I was supposed to have reconciled the common opinion of my G.F. and write my true feelings about her. Instead I wrote about my feelings about the break up. I guess I got misguided because it seems like all the negative comments were on the break up and getting back together, there fore that is what I addressed. My intimate, emotional, and personal feelings would have been a completely different story and that’s what this one is going to be once I lay some things out. In life there are always two sides of things. Just how mathematically 2 + 2 = 4, if you combine my .02 cents together (my last blog) and her .02 cents, then I think you can get an accurate rendition of what happened during the time between us. Here is what she wrote:
You met a girl with dreams, ambitions---only half of which you knew. Then, as should happen, when time went by layers peeled and you learned more about this girl. What you should have learned is that she had a heart for people which extended beyond her own family and you and reached farther than even the perimeters of her vision. A God-gift that she didn't even quite know what to do with or how to control. But as time continued to grow you and her in your relationship it also began to grow this gift. Maybe part of that was due to her falling in love with you. But her heart was growing and becoming more sensitive. And as this happened the Lord began to test her and ask her questions. How much was she willing to sacrifice to see the nations know Him? She was in love with you. But you didn't understand her heart, and you didn't seem to have any interest in sharing this bit of it. And if you couldn't share in it, no matter how much she hated to do it, she had to let you go. And the only reason she changed her mind--- was because you began to express an interest in her heart, even to the point of saying you would go with her---wherever she needed to go.
I think that all of this is very truthful and represents a lot of the facts. My previous blog that I wrote was dictated from the point of an unbiased, outside opinion. What she contributed to this was kind of a step by step walk of our relationship. I guess mine was written a bit more on the ideals of skepticism and modesty. At this current point she was upset with what I wrote because it glorified myself and didn’t glorify her. As mentioned above, I wrote this primarily to answer the direct questions of individuals. The process for which I wrote that article is as follows: 1). Read emails and blog responses about our relationship. 2). Determine the meaning of the questions and what they truly were asking. 3). Formulate a non-biased response to all those questions and then put them down in my blog.
Was my response self-centered? Yes, it was. Did I hurt her feelings? Yes, I did because their was a miss-understanding between her expectations and mine. And the final question: Am I sorry? You better believe it…Though I try not to be a people pleaser, I feel like I am less of a man when ever I can not adhere to the needs of my loved ones. I guess you could say that I was not listening to what her needs were, which leads me to the next section of my blog: Her…
What can really be said, that can justify the way I feel about her? Imagine a girl that is beautiful, smart, skinny, has a sense of humor, is not a tramp, and has been brought up in an actual strong Christian household. I mean just finding a girl that you can actually trust that won’t cheat on you is hard of enough at this day and age. The most important thing to me in the entire world is that she is a practicing Christian. At the age of 18-24 you may find some young ladies that go to church and that is really awesome. But from personal experience only about 2-4% of them are practicing Christians, which are not dead in the water. Lucky for me, I have found a girl in that 2-4% population. She is the first girlfriend that I have ever had that encourages me in my daily walk and I have dated quite a few women. The fact that she holds me accountable is enough already, but with being raised in an awesome family that has taught her proper values and morals tops the cake.
I guess you could say that she was a dream come true. Every core requirement that I had for a future spouse was met with her. At one point I had this list of requirements that I had to have in my wife. It was around 150 items long which is a bit ridiculous…Most of the requirements were material, self-promoting items. But once I met her I realized that 90% of those things on that list no longer mattered any more. She helped me understand what really matters about a person…and that is their heart. In a way I consider myself unworthy because she has one of the biggest hearts in the world, which is everything that I’ve ever wanted. But I am not as generous and considerate as her and so I just hope that I don’t cause her to stumble or loose any of that kindness. The most interesting thing that I find is that personality wise we don’t have a lot of things in common. But looking at the brick and mortar of our souls and foundations almost everything is the same. In some ways she brings a type of mercy and compassion for people that I would not normally have; in other ways I think I give her a stronger motivation and determination to accomplish the things that she has set her mind to. By far though she has a lot more kind and caring character traits that I wish I had. My hope and wish is that in time they will be able to rub off on me.
“So then how shall we act?” (for people that do not know Socrates said this at a moment of great though about the purpose for human actions) All in all, the break up was very hard for me in the beginning and some said that I broke down. I tend to disagree, when ever you put someone through a separation it takes a lot out of them especially when you have to manage work, school, and church. Not only that, but when you develop a bond between people that you consider to be family and then they get severed…it is not an easy thing; which is what happened to me. I look at her family like my own. I find that I love spending time with them around the house because they are so adorable!! Not only that but just having people that are so genuine is truly hard to find. The idea of serving relationships and bonds with people like that is depressing.
In all troubles though, if it doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger and that is exactly what the breakup did for me. It made me stronger spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and also gave me a greater appreciation of her. In essence, I’m in love with her and there is nothing that I would not give to be with her.
Best Wishes, Joshua Price