through this week I have hit many highs and lows with my relationships and many times we never come to an understanding about why somethings happen. Fortunatley, I have recieved an answered prayer from God in the form of good advice. I signed on AOL IM under my personal screen name for the first time in a couple of months and as soon as I did, God used somebody else's experience to help me understand what is going on, and I must admit the conversation was very inspirational to me personally. (The convo is kinda long but I think it is worth reading): The names of individuals have been edited to protect their identity.
(friend): hey man wuts going on
conceptbass03: not much...just got done talking with my ex-GF on the phone
(friend): who is that
(friend): ex-GF
conceptbass03: yeah
(friend): o
(friend): did she tell you about me and ex-Fiance
conceptbass03: what?
(friend): that we were engaged about a month ago and then we just split up like 3 wks ago
conceptbass03: no way!.......Ex-GF didn't say a thing about it.....
(friend): ya
conceptbass03: what happened?
(friend): ex-Fiance said it had nothing to do with me and shes right it had nothing to do between us…she doesnt know who she is josh…she has this feeling of not knowing whats going on and she doesnt understand anything…there is a bigger picture to all of this and its awesome
conceptbass03: What bigger picture is that?!? that is kinda the same problem with ex-GF...except for she feels like she has a calling for missions and she feels distracted and that God has changed her heart about me saying that you have to be able to give up everything for him. I understand the calling but I don't understand why she has to give me up.
(friend): u problably see this but when me and ex-Fiancé were together were we all about each other or were we all about God
conceptbass03: in my opinion, all about each other
(friend): ya
(friend): you see me and ex-Fiancé weren’t complete in him and we weren’t focus on him and in a marriage. it has to be a trinity god her and me. plus God wanted to teach us something and grow us spiritually, and he couldn’t do that if we were together. so God has done this in her heart so she can have an understanding and grow in christ as likewise as he has been doing to me. josh all i can say is that even though these three weeks have been hard God has been awesome
conceptbass03: I know that is the truth....That is the same thing that is happening with ex-GF and I...towards the end we started focusing on each other more than we were foccusing on God. I mean I thought things were going awesome, and to me they were, but this past week has been just pure heart wrenching because of this relationship.
conceptbass03: See, and you have a lot of faith that God is sure to put you two back together, but I'm struggling with that same faith because I am affraid he will send her away and she will not return. I mean for some reason I just worry about her going overseas.
[pause]
(friend): man this is awesome
(friend): josh this is wut God put me through to help people like you that are going through this
(friend): u want some insight
conceptbass03: give me all you can
(friend): trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your way acknowledge him and he will direct your paths
conceptbass03: proverbs 3 6
(friend): ya no matter wut God does he knows everything
(friend): heres another verse psalms 56: 10-13
(friend): josh the thing God is trying to show you is that you dont need to worry about a single thing
conceptbass03: I know...but here is the thing...I feel like I have the faith and trust in God that he will bring us back together but I don't want to sit there and try to predict the future just for him to have alternate plans than what I am thinking. Deep in my heart it tells me that we are going to be together but I know that God's plan is bigger than us.
(friend): Josh knowing that she is the one and feeling that she is the one are to different things
(friend): everybody has feeling
(friend): but josh you just cant feel you have to know and the way to know is to ask God to open doors and show you that she is the one and if she isn’t then close it
(friend): Josh give everything to the lord everything dude give her to the lord its easier said than done. give it to the lord and just leave it at the cross and ask God for wisdom and understanding
(friend): Josh here something i want u to do, i want you to find a place by yourself where no one is around for a while and pray and ask God and carry a conversation with him for an hr or more however long it takes
conceptbass03: I know..All this is what I am praying for......Its just having the patience to wait for the answer. Another thing is that what if he is calling her to Africa like she desires? Am I to go over there to follow her and be unhappy? And that is why I know that we are supposed to be together, but my knowledge is inferior to God's knowledge.
(Friend): true. Josh what has God called you to do and not what you want to do because mans thoughts are not Gods thoughts
conceptbass03: I know....it is something that I am really struggling with...but do you know what is really cool....not even 20 minutes ago I got off the phone with Ex-GF and I really still did not understand the reason why we broke up, but now that I have talked to you....its like I see the light at the end of the tunnel....Its like I see the "greater good" behind what is going on in my life.
(Friend): josh thats what God has called me to do
conceptbass03: exactly...I just am sorry that both of us had to go through these trials to really understand where our priorities need to be set, instead of staying focused in the first place...but hey, I guess that is what life is for...learning
(Friend): ya
conceptbass03:
But that also reminded me....sometimes it is hard for us to see...but I think it is a verse in the last part of the new testament where paul says something like, "rejoice in your troubles and sorrows, for God makes you strong through all of these."
(Friend): yep its like that verse i said earlier from psalms 56:10-13 Josh depend totally on God. im serious iv never felt a greater love and understanding for things until now Josh iv given everything to God everything and i been totally trusting on him and seeking him and you know i never had any greater peace than what iv been through and understanding man im serious everything is like clear as day
conceptbass03: ha ha....I have actually been reading and praying daily over the past two weeks and I have noticed quite a difference myself...
Another problem that I was kinda dealing with is that I don't have to prove myself to ex-GF, but I mean how is she going to know when ever its time?!? I mean I know its all in His time but I mean I guess I'm just really impatient and I want to improve myself to be the best man I can be. Not primarily for her, but just for me and for Him.
(Friend): here is the answer give her totally to God read hosea and job they were married and they left there husbands and God commanded to let them go
(Friend): we are commanded to let them go. ask God for patience
conceptbass03: that I think is the hardest command their is to obey, especially since God has designed you for someone else. I mean one thing that I don't think she understands is that her heart is in missions, but mine is in worship! I have put so much of myself by time, energy, money, and talent into our church's music ministry that I don't even think that she is aware of that. I mean I can't help that I am called to worship ministry cause that is truly where I have a really, really strong desire in....just like she has the same for missions.
(Friend): heres something i want u to pray about…i know that God has called ex-GF to the missions…you know what he is probably calling you and you dont think that you should go…this is extremely hard to answer but are you willing to go wherever God wants u to go even if it means not having nothing
conceptbass03: do you know what? I have talent in music ministry but I know that I am not called to full time ministry. I know that I am being called to be a Christian small business owner. Ever since sixth grade I have had many mentors that are very strong influential Christian business men in the community and that is where I feel and know that I am being called to serve.
(Friend): ok josh here is something God is might opening your heart to and i know this is what Ex-GF is looking at
(Friend): what about being a businessmen to missionaries by helping there finances and by making overseas trips to get these missionaries stable and everything they need
conceptbass03: I know, and that is what I'm thinking, but I don't think she see's that...and that is what I feel called for....
(Friend): listen then Gods going to work in her you. You Don’t have to be a missionary and go and spend yrs and yrs in a village or city. You can be a missionary by going place to place and helping missionaries. Because God has given you talent in music and worship you can use that as a tool for when you go over that you can teach these people new songs of worship that would draw there hearts closer to God and to see him and his mighty
conceptbass03: I'm not open to new suggestions or callings but this is what I feel my calling is.....when ever I'm an adult: Help out with the youth group the way I am now, fund financial projects in the church through donations of my business, play in church music activities and help others to discover their musical talents that God has given them.
(Friend): Josh the only thing i can say is in everything focus on God
(Friend): dude the pain will never leave if she is the right one. but if she isnt just think how awesome of a person your going to marry she would be 100 times better than ex-GF
(Friend): not saying that ex-GF is or is not the one but I just know that God will bless you in all ways.
(friend): if u need some understanding call me. u have a great nite and ill pray for u
conceptbass03: thanks, be praying for you too!
(friend): thanks nite
conceptbass03: nite!