I think some of the hardest times for individuals are break ups. They challenge your inner stability and question if you are tough enough to take the beating that comes with the severing of ties. As I was on a trip this weekend these were just a few of the ideas going through my mind during the post-breakup period.
What is an absolute truth? Death? Life? Feeling? Emotion? How can we as mere humans, putrid in our own imperfections, define what a truth is? Human nature proves that we are selfish and insecure, which causes us to be all about ourselves. With this assumption, how then shall we love in a propper way? Love is about giving and selflessness, but in our own greed we take and take with out a moment of thought regarding charity. Therefore, are we doomed to loneliness in all the days of our lives? I hope not! Unfortunatley, we are condemened to dysfunctional, unmeaningful relationships that are continually roller coaster rides, which are never gratifying in an all inclusive way.
The next question is, why then in all this craziness should we pursue a relationship that would cause us hurt and pain? Is it more painfull to endure the dark loneliness with out a mate or to endure the added stress and heart break of terrible relationships that are never going to be right? Loneliness or heartbreak? How can people tell you they love youe and then turn around and reverse all there feelings for you? I really can't think of any humanly power. One thing that went through my mind is that the love God created does not even come close to what we can express as humans.
So is God's love the only thing we need? Spiritually, I know so, but God also created us to have help mates. Does this mean that we are doomed to dysfunctional relationships in our life? Because we know that no one is perfect, then why do we continually looking for the "right" or "perfect" one whenever we are aware that the perfection that is sought after in individuals is just as capricious as perfection itself! In this point I really start to wonder whether if God created love perfect, or was it mankind that changed love to the thing it is today?
All I do sometimes is question myself but in all actuality, I would not trade anything in the world for this special person. Its just like I said above, at times of heart break and sorrow, we truly learn how strong we are to the forces of temptation, stress, and the world. Though this last week has been almost a nightmare come true, all the times that we spent together in joy, laughter, and in sorrow have a monsoon like affect which swallows up these past days leaving prayers of hope and better days to come. Though we now are seperated I continually have her on my mind and feel her in my heart. Even certain songs, smells, and places make me reminisce on all that we have done and become.
A lot of people cannot handle what I call relationship artifacts. These are items of material that are left behind after relationships. In most instances people usually destroy or put up these wonderful things in terrible fashion only to quence the guilt, lust, and hatered that is common with breakups. But I think I'm a little different. For really bad break ups I have a file in my desk that has pictures and old memories, but fortunatly she left a pillow at my house. In this case I will cherish this for a long time if atleast not forever and maybe even sleep with it. Girly?......nah, you would probably do the same....
I guess St. Augustine was right when he said,
"It is better to love and lose, than not to have love at all."
Best Wishes, Joshua Price