Here's looking at you sweetheart...
As promised yesterday to many of my readers…an update. Well, these past two weeks have been really crazy with school and everything else climaxing at the same time. It seems like this semester has been very evenly paced until now, right before spring break happens. I guess that’s the way O.W. runs. In addition to this I got a 36 hour flu virus that was not fun. Thankfully though, the GF came over to my house and took care of me during that time.
I have been kind of too busy to write in my blog, but I see that there has been quite a bit of chatter going on so I just wanted to clear up things.
1. The original reason that I started this blog was because my life goes by at unbelievable speeds. I find when ever traveling at such fast paces that you really forget to enjoy a lot of things and “smell the roses” per se. So last August before my birthday I made a new declaration that I was going to try to organize my thoughts at least once a week on here. I didn’t really want to make this public but that is one of the trade offs I get for not having to worry about my computer crashing and me losing all that I have typed out. I did not do this to show everyone my feelings. I did not do this to have an emotional place of refuge where I can share my utmost inner-self. This is for me so that I don’t forget all the small things that I have suffered, accomplished, and gained throughout these years.
2. About the topic of the G.F. Well……I guess you could say that it was a short separation. Two weeks after we separated we got back together. I know that at some point in every reader’s life you can think of that relationship that you once had, or maybe still do, that no matter what things always worked out against the odds. Now, I’m not saying that we have worked out everything for good because a relationship between two people, let alone the opposite sex, is something that is proven to take at least a life time to try to get right. What is my take on this whole thing?!?!?? Before the separation, I felt that I could not go on with out marrying her. Some people might think that this is a good feeling and that it is one of true love. But a mentor once said to me that, “I love you because I want good things for you, not because I need you.” I think the ultimate love, though it may be painful, is sacrifice. When ever put in that situation before hand of having to give her up I thought that it could never happen, this by the way is extremely dysfunctional. But through this separation period that we went through, I have come to realize several things.
a. Because of this I have learned that nothing in life is permanent. Sometimes we must give up the very thing that we love the most in this world.
b. I have become considerably more independent. Before when I was down I thought that the only way that I could be happy is by either spending time with her and/or talking with her. I know realize that I can only truly love someone as much as I love myself and though we are called to be dependent in our relationships there is a since of control that should always be in your hands.
“So how then shall we act?” I have had a lot of questions asked by many people about the G.F. and I. Even during the process the G.F. kept on asking me why I was so supportive and why I was so nice and loving after what she had put me through. Here was my response: “Its obvious at this current point that I have undeniable feelings both in heart and emotions that aren’t going to be leaving anytime soon. Though it may not be correct to say I love you in “intimate” terms, I say it because I love you not only as a best friend, but also as a sister in Christ. Also, if in the event that we do get back together, I want you to be able to look back on all that happened and say wow! He was really there for me during all of those bad times. And if we don’t get back together you’ll still be able to say I can’t believe that he was that good of a friend despite how bad I may of hurt him.”
I believe that hard work and patience pays off in this world. Low and behold…two weeks later we are back together again. Did we get back together too soon? I don’t know. Was it right for us to get back together at all? That is between her and me. Is she just getting back with me because it is convenient and she needs support? In my mind no. At least I hope not. I would say that the best thing that you can ever experience is having your loved one totally bend over backwards just to accommodate your own most inner desires and needs. Truthfully, every time we meet to spend time or even talk on the phone we are doing just that…bending over backwards. From an outsiders perspective, observations and conclusions could easily be made that our relationship is anything but convenient. But tell me this my friend…Since when did love obey the laws and statutes that man has tried to manipulate it with? Since when was the last time that True love stopped to let convenience go in front of it?
Best Wishes, Joshua Price
“To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.”
Anna Louise Strong